journal

All posts tagged journal

4 Poems and 4 Paintings presented to New Hope Church, Eastbourne.

Published August 29, 2018 by Laura Crean Author

Hi everyone.  Thank you to those loyal few who always follow my few and far between posts on here.  I would just like to post this video, as an end to the little Psalms series I presented to my church of 4 poems and 4 paintings after spending a lovely time in God’s presence through the Psalms.  Please enjoy my recitations and please share.

Thank you and God bless you all

❤️Laura❤

Advertisements

The Hand of God

Published August 18, 2018 by Laura Crean Author

IMG_2253

I see the hand of Jesus
At work in ALL he’s made.
He is reaching down from Heaven
– God’s glory will never fade!

“MY flesh and MY heart may fail me,”
Because I AM weak indeed!
But the LORD’S strength will be MY portion,
HIS strength is ALL we need.

“The Lord IS our refuge and strength,
An ever-present help in trouble;”
So when your fears are overwhelming,
PRAISE God! And his grace and mercy will double!

Reach OUT to the hand of Jesus –
Take hold of EVERY promise he has made,
For you can do nothing by your OWN strength,
As this WAS designed to fade.

But Glory, Hallelujah!
God is HIGH and lifted UP!
He IS above EVERYTHING –
So look up! Look UP! LOOK UP!

There is nothing in God’s creation
Visible or not,
No rulers or authorities are above him,
HE is above the lot!

He is ABOVE the foolish notions,
He is ABOVE every trouble, every trial,
Give him ALL of your devotions
Because the JOY of the Lord is your strength- so smile!

Holy! Holy! Holy! Is the Lord God almighty,
His Glory IS forever but it fills the Earth TODAY.
His Glory is in his Spirit,
So let him enter in YOUR heart, I pray.

Yes, the Earth is FILLED with his Glory,
In US, his CHURCH, in YOU;
HIS strength is made perfect in OUR weakness;
So let him Carry you through.

When you become aware of all your frailties,
Then let your strength come in through Christ,
And he will use YOU for his Glory;
WE ARE his Kingdom and his choice.

Laura Crean

 

The Shepherd of my Soul

Published August 9, 2018 by Laura Crean Author

Another Psalms inspired painting and poem :-

IMG_2255

Today I am thankful for my Shepherd
Who leads me on my way.
I’m thankful for my Shepherd,
So I look up and say:-
“Lead on my Lord – I’ll follow,
I am your faithful sheep,
Lead on my Lord- I’ll follow,
I trust my soul you’ll keep.”

Yes I will follow faithfully
By those waters still and calm,
I will follow you to the ends of the Earth,
And even through the storm,
Or through the darkest valley
Where shadows make men fear –
Lead on because YOU’RE with me
And in YOUR light the path now clear.

And yes I may well stumble,
But I will never leave your side,
Because YOU are my protection and my safety,
My Lord, YOU are my guide.
How comforting to see that rod and staff,
Gently steer me back onto your path,
And even as a weapon –
No fearsome beast can pass!

So I can lay down now to sleep
In pastures green and lush
While you become the very gate!
– and so in you I put my trust;
And WHEN the WOLF comes calling,
With YOU I have no care,
You make my Spirit so secure
Just knowing that you’re there.

Lead on my Lord – I’ll follow,
I am the safest in your flock.
Lead on my Lord – I’ll follow,
With you there will be no shock
Because YOU protect me and direct me,
You always keep me near
And if I tire or I stumble
I have no need to fear…

…On your shoulders you will carry me,
Until I can walk again,
Because it is in your nature
And it is in your name;
So I will follow you, my Shepherd,
Lead me to your feast
Where I shall sit around your table,
And be at perfect peace.

So I will follow you, my Shepherd,
Lead me to your cup,
May it fill to overflowing
As I lean in to sup!

The enemy may try to trick me
And say my future ISN’T clear,
But he cannot steal my joy TODAY,
Because I know you’re here.

Laura Crean

The Story of God my Lighthouse

Published August 8, 2018 by Laura Crean Author

Another poem and painting from my ‘inspired by Psalms’ collection…

 

IMG_2385

I am in a battered boat
Drifting on tattered tides,
In the midst of a troubled sea
My destination hides.

The ocean roars about me
And splashes in my face,
My vision clouded by the storm
As darkness now gives chase.

I battle on through the windy wake
And row until my arms are weak,
Soon my strength will leave me
– safety I MUST seek!

Life is like that ocean,
Stormy, rough and tough to sail,
And lonely is that journey
When you’re battling through a gale.

And it’s hard to seek God’s presence
When the waves are driving you back,
It’s hard to look upon his promises
When your focus is your lack.

But when you see salvation
Is just within your reach,
God’s beacon is so beautiful,
His light so bright and rich!

That lighthouse is your protection,
It will be your shelter through the night,
Have confidence in its security
And not upon your plight.

God’s presence is your protection,
The stronghold of your life,
Have faith and trust he’ll guide you
And surround you in his light.

God IS that bright beginning,
He IS that cleansing light,
Let him fill you with his blessings,
Just keep him in your sight.

His light is his presence and his glory
And with him you can dwell,
Take heart upon the story
I’m trying here to tell;

Gaze upon the beauty
Of that lamp that guides you through –
Jesus is the light to follow
And HE is calling YOU.

Laura Crean

Oh God, my Rock

Published August 6, 2018 by Laura Crean Author

IMG_2256.JPGAfter a very blessed week spent with God on my week off work, immersed in the Psalms, the result was 4 poems and 4 paintings, which I presented to my church family Sunday via video ( Video now posted below).  I will share one poem and one painting every day this week.  I am not sharing them in any particular order .  This poem and painting are equally titled ‘Oh God, my Rock’:-

What am I but flesh
To lay out my life in portions?
Time and a half to this and that,
Like the Earth to its seasons…

But you, Oh God, my Rock,
The largest portion of all,
In you my seasons rest,
My soul lies still as the winter’s snow.

Each thought I partition off,
Like pebbles on the shore;
But you, Oh God, the largest Rock,
On you I rest my aching heart
And I am sure…

…sure, that every memory,
Every tear and every sigh,
Every moment of my life,
Though weathered by the tides,
Return to you, lapping gently
In the rhythm of YOUR heart;
And though my life, but a tiny drop
In the vastness of your ocean,
You add my tiny portion
To the whole – of your creation!

And you, Oh God, my Rock – YOU never weather,
You stand the test of time;
My Rock, YOU never crumble,
It is us who are but sands of time;
We can be Moulded into castles by your hands – I am yours Lord, please be kind.

What am I but flesh
That withers, rots and festers?
But you, Oh God, are the Rock that never changes;
You, Lord, that Rock,
Baked hard and warmed in Heavenly Glory,
You ARE that never-ending story,
That carves your children’s names on the tablets of your love,
As chords to your heart.
And together, there, stand firm forever,
A monument of hope,
That none can move and none can part.
Oh God, my Rock!

Laura Crean

Dreams – The Reluctant Time traveller – and The Orange Tree in the Garden

Published June 29, 2018 by Laura Crean Author

(Written at 2.30 AM)

I have just had the strangest dream. Very weird!. It involved Abraham Lincoln as a reluctant time traveller.  I saw him walk through this portal and explore other times – past, present and future.

Then there was something about him using a telescope that had a beam of light coming out of it, straight up into the sky.

Also there was something about him standing up in some kind of assembly (like a school assembly hall) talking about equal rights and talking about the fact that we are all products of our ancestry and basically  that we are all made up of  every different cultural and ethnic background.  That somewhere in our ancestry line there will be some distant relation who would have been of a different race, colour or creed to what we ourselves identify with and therefore we are all mixed race and should stop worrying about it in society and be more tolerant of everyone and each other – one people- one church?

The next dream I remember was something about a kitchen and the right appliances being used for the right job. First of all I was trying to move a freezer out of the room because it was in the way and so dangerous, but whoever was in the kitchen with me said I would get into trouble for moving it.. I said I didn’t care because it was dangerous where it was.  However it was also dangerous to move it because there were electric cables of other appliances in the way.  So where I wanted to move it to (which was out of the kitchen and in the hallway) was difficult and dangerous to get to.

Then I tried to fill up a large plastic juice beaker with water from my one cup machine but because it wasn’t the right container for the purpose, it basically spilled over into the base plate. I remember thinking ” that was dangerous!” Because I knew it was the wrong container for the job!

Ok so it is 3:47 A.M and I can’t go back to sleep because the symbolism of the dream keeps playing out in my mind and I feel I won’t be able to sleep until I write it down. Where to start?

Vision, transparency and forward thinking…

The reluctant time traveller, Abe Lincoln, with his portal time machine and telescope light beam; I feel this is to do with being forward thinking – vision – and then there’s the ‘following the light’ theme.

The fact that it is dealing with time – past, present and future, makes me feel that this is to do with the eternal properties of God – the eternal – he is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and his word never changes. So being in line with God’s word and will – the beam of light (God’s glory?) So having vision (looking through the telescope) being forward thinking ( alongside the time machine ) and lining up and following his eternal will that never changes.  That brings me to the assembly.

I feel this is once again about the eternal will of God for his children; looking at who is speaking (Abraham Lincoln). So just like the kitchen and the tools for the right job; he is the right man for the job. Let’s look briefly at his character – ( taken from Wikipedia);

Abraham Lincoln, born 12:02:1809. He was the 16th president of the United States of America. He was a statesman and lawyer.  He was assassinated and died 15:4:1865. He was a very tall, unusual looking man, , loved his King James Bible, having read it cover to cover time and again.

Abe Lincoln quotes; “Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Earth,”

“A house divided against itself cannot stand,”

“Whatever you are, be a good one.”

When I think of Abraham Lincoln, I think of the civil war, the Declaration of Independence and the abolishment of slavery. So like I said, I think this is about the eternal will of God for his children (i.e. The ancestry/genes/ the equality factor. That we are all God’s  children and should be like-minded, inclusive, fair, just, kind and considerate, compassionate etc.  Made me think of the last children’s church lesson involving 1 Peter 3:8. – ” Be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.”

So,yes, being the right person for the job (not sure why I keep thinking of him as the reluctant time traveller though).

Going back to the kitchen and the right tools for the job i.e. The right container for the water (Holy Spirit). It was a large container and was overflowing (Psalm 23:5 – “my cup overflows”) but didn’t fit with the dispenser (Jesus) – i.e. Not lining up again with God’s will.

Also thinking of the hot water versus the cold freezer – being hot and cold? Cup and one cup machine not fit for purpose and the freezer not fitting in the kitchen. Not in line with God’s will again?

When I went back to sleep I had another dream. This dream was really special because it was an answer to prayer. First of all let me tell you why.

Last week I had a small dream on the end of another dream (can’t remember which one) but the small dream confused me because I thought maybe there was more to it that I couldn’t recall and that I didn’t understand what it was about!  The dream was simply that I was given a basket with pears in – 1 small pear and 2 really large, juicy, delicious looking pears.

I asked God to let me have the dream again, this time letting me remember it all, or else to help me understand what the dream means. So this is where this last dream last night comes in.

I dreamed I was walking through a garden. It was a garden belonging to a retirement home – the kind of manager run homes I often have clients in as a community care worker. However, this was the best retirement home you could ever want to live in; it was everything you could ever want to enjoy the rest of your life in and the garden was the best part – beautiful beyond any garden I had seen in any other retirement home.

As I walked through the garden I came to the most beautiful tree. It had 3 oranges on it (that I could see); there was one small orange on one branch and two huge, really delicious, juicy looking oranges on another branch. These two oranges were joined together.

The gardener was just beyond the tree and he smiled and greeted me as I approached the tree.  I told him how wonderful the oranges were and asked him if I could have the two large juicy looking oranges.  He said to me very seriously: “Only if you promise to eat them because they are too delicious to waste.” I promised I would because they looked so delicious. And that was it and I woke up.

The first thing that springs to mind is the tree (tree of life?) Then the 3 pieces of fruit both times (Holy Trinity?) I’m not sure why one is smaller than the other two or why the 2 oranges were joined together. The 2 large pears may have been joined together but I don’t remember for sure.  I also wonder why pears and oranges?

The retirement home and the garden I believe represent the Kingdom of Heaven and the promise and warning not to waste the fruit could be possibly lining up with God’s will again.  Taking hold of God’s free gift of salvation in Jesus Christ?  I suppose it’s as simple and as wonderful as that! What a fantastic and special message and answer to prayer.

Now lastly, joining that dream onto the kitchen dream earlier  and the Abraham Lincoln theme and I’m thinking of the quote ” by the people for the people”  it makes me think this is confirmation of my plan to produce a book for my church congregation for them and by them on the theme of spiritual food! LOL God is so awesome!

Monday 9th July 2018 Update :-

I meant to update this last Sunday but I just haven’t had the time.  So anyway, I’m still flying high after sharing 2 dream images with the church Sunday  morning and then finding out this was in line with the message from our visiting guest speaker – Bayo Babalola – the dream images I had already had about the fruit of the spirit and the tree of life and also the overflowing cup from my one cup machine. But it wasn’t until the morning before church (I had a shift at work) and as I was walking around God was telling me or giving me a clearer interpretation and putting in my heart to share. At the end of my shift I was feeling really sick with the heat. I didn’t know how I was going to make it through the day, go to church and work again in the afternoon – I was sick, dizzy, hot etc. But God said go to church and share my message through the dream.

I felt God was telling me that the importance of the large fruit and the overflowing water from the one cup machine was the same message – that his love through his Holy Spirit is just so abundant – a free gift –  and the joined fruit shows not only that we are in partnership with him but that we must be fruitful and multiply through his fruit – his abundant love.  Now the one cup machine cup being so big was showing me that it doesn’t matter how big the container (i.e us) – the container will never be big enough then to contain his love because it is so big, ever flowing and cannot be contained!  I just love this imagery – don’t you?

Then I helped upstairs with the children and that was brilliant but I missed the message downstairs. Then I went home ( still feeling quite heat exhausted by the way) I rested for a bit and thankfully got my afternoon shift reduced to just 2 clients but even that I found hard in the heat because I am not coping with the heat too well at the moment. I came home. We ate and I watched tv with my daughter for a while and fell asleep until 10.30. Then I watched the morning’s visiting speaker – and was blown away by God’s abundant LOVE – praise God❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ❤️ Scroll down the wall to see the message you will NOT be disappointed.

Ok so fast forward to yesterday (Sunday 8th July) and we had another guest speaker – Rich Bowles. Once again blown away by the message but he also mentioned my dream vision and extremely eloquently linked it in with the message.  However it wasn’t until I went to link the video here – the second video underneath, that I realised his talk was about vision (the other theme of the dream above) so now I am just blown away by God’s amazing abundance of blessings and I am so honoured and humbled that he has shared this with me and continues to do so.

The blessings continued with amazing things coming out of the worship and prayer time yesterday evening and then I had more dreams last night, which I will share later.  Please watch the messages and I hope you will feel as blessed as I do by their wonderful content and see the links with my dreams.  Take hold of God’s free gift in Jesus Christ, be fruitful and have YOUR vision tested today.

God bless you all.

❤️❤️Laura❤️❤️

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jill-in-the-box – One single Mother’s socially inept journey to return to sanity

Published May 13, 2013 by Laura Crean Author

Image

 One

This is a journal.  A very personal journal that I am choosing to share with the world as it were because I have spent my whole life shut up in a box.  This box is made up of many things – depression, anxieties, fear, guilt, self-loathing and loneliness…it is quite frankly a prison.  I wish I could say to you that it is just a prison of my mind and emotions but unfortunately it has become much more than that.  It has become a real- life, physical prison as I am at this point in my life struggling to leave my own house.

I am quite sure that a lot of people will read this and think I am just looking for attention, that I want people to feel sorry for me but actually that is the last thing I want.  Even so I am already at this point so far into the point of hating myself and being trapped in negativity that I really couldn’t give a flying Fudge if people have those thoughts – you see, this is about setting myself a goal – and that goal is to share my journey!  Plain and simple and I am hoping by airing myself out in the open like this that it will help me to understand my prison, find the key and get out of it!

I am hoping that I might take a few people along with me on my journey.  Not those anally retentive types that just want to squash anyone for daring to open their mouths about  depression and wanting to talk about it, and who feel that everyone should be a little socially acceptable robot and be able to ‘control’ themselves – I couldn’t care a less about those idiots.  The people I expect to join me on my trip are people who know me but want to get to know me better and people who have similar feelings and feel they can relate to me and perhaps share experiences and offer encouragement and support (so that I can equally encourage and support them).

So, I am not going to go on too much longer right now.  I am just going to say that

  1. Depression can be a really debilitating thing.
  2. When you are suffering from depression you can’t just ‘snap out of it!’
  3. You need to acknowledge it, seek medical help and get support from loved ones.
  4. Don’t expect it to go away overnight.

Yes I have sought help and I am currently getting it.  I am trying to take it a day at a time.  My family are being very supportive even when I am a complete lunatic and acting irrationally!  I am learning to express myself more openly so that I can peel away at the layers of that damn box.

Lastly I want my children to know if they ever see this that they are EVERYTHING to me and my completely neurotic behaviour has nothing to do with them – they are the reason I get up every morning, put on clothes, wash myself, clean the house and look in the mirror and say “You are an amazing Mum and those girls are beautiful, bright and full of life – well done!  At least you done something right in your life girl!”  I love you girls more than anything in this world and this journal is for you as much as it is for me.

(image courtesy of ClipartOf.com)

%d bloggers like this: